So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
