Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
