Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
