; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
