Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
