Define "chronic" masturbator.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
