I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
