don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
