I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
