Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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