No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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