The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
