he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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