my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
