Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
