His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
