Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
