wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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