they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize