hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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