R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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