alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
