That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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