My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
