so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
