Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
