There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
