The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
