The maid of honor just puked.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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