3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
