Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
