Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize