on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
