he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
