Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
