I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
