Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
