i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
