I wish you could order shots online.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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