he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
