I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
