So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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