you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
