I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
