How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
