I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
True strength comes from lack of pants
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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