You can't special order awesome
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
