Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
