Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
