Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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