Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
