last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
