thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
