So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize