I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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