I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
