That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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