you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
