Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize