Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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