is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im drinking this country out of the recession.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
