Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
